Monday, January 12, 2015

Fashed Potatoes 2 - Absurdly Expensive Boots

I've been reminded that the potatoes are piling up and they need to be fashed. Today I bring you some stupid $800 boots.

Above are some Stuart Weitzman Highland boots, which my stablemate Nicole has been fantasizing over for about two months and finally bought because she realized that she does indeed have $800 that could be turned into one single pair of boots. These boots are apparently all kinds of pluralized apocopations, such as "phenoms" and "increds". I see some plain kneehigh boots that are cool enough but not worth $800, which puts them into the same category in which I place all boots ever created by humankind. The Highland boots differ from most absurdly overpriced boots in that they have burlap sack tie-cords attached to the top and can hold over 4 cubic liters of orphan tears.

I have good news and I have bad news. The bad news first is that for the price of these boots you could lease a Hyundai Elantra for like 4 months and drive it about 4,000 miles before hitting your mileage limit. The good news is that you could walk 10 hours a day at the average walking speed of 3.1 mph in these stupid boots and also get to about 4,000 miles. It's up to you to determine how you want to get from point A to point who gives a shit.

You could buy a PS4 for the price of these boots, destroy it with a hammer in front of a poor kid and still have enough money left over to buy a replacement PS4.

For $800, you could adopt 16 Snow Leopard cubs. Think of how many leopard coats you could turn them into in a few years It pays to think about your future.

$800 probably buys lifetime WNBA season tickets for the Phoenix Mercury. Put on some flip flops and take the whole family! You can either wear big-name boots or watch Britney Griner barely dunk all over some poor girls playing for the LA Sparx. I know my choice - I'm going with GrineTime.

The boots are fine but - $800 for some boots, man. That don't jive with the Horse. I suggest pairing these with a $2000 designer purse and showing up 2 hours late to show the commoners who really means fashion. You're weak, I'm chic, DEAL WITH IT.

Until next time, keep wasting your money on shoes.

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