YO CRABTREE CAN EAT SOME MOTHERFUCKING DICKS
First thing, mad props to Sherm-dog. I hope he and his teammates enjoy plentiful oats during the next two weeks. Nothing but oats and mares. (But remember the motto, fuck mares, get money).
But after he went off yelling about Crabtree during his postgame interview with naked keyhole lady Erin Andrews, America DONE LOST IT'S MIND.
And that's where Business Horse comes in...to, like Warren Gamiliel Harding once said, restore this shit to normalcy.
Let's break this down.
1. Sherman is not a "thug". Nobody who talks trash into a microphone after a sporting event is a thug. Tight ends who murder people to cover up previous murders are thugs. Cornerbacks who rape people are thugs. Richard Sherman is a "douche", which is so much fucking different that I can't even put it into words. Richard Sherman is a cocky douche. That's it. Anybody who thinks that he's a thug or that this is what's wrong with sports today or whatever - those are your idiots. Brings me to my next point:
2. You can dislike Sherman and not be a racist or a hater or stuffy or whatever. Some people like cocky douches. Some people don't. I don't. It's that fucking simple. Anybody who thinks any deeper than this...relax. People that think "oh just because of one guy doing something harmless, you are going to root for another team?"...FUCK YES. Sports fandom is irrational. It means nothing. If nobody watches the Super Bowl on TV, these players won't even notice. If I choose to root against the Broncos because Eric Decker is fucking a white chick, I CAN DO THAT. It means nothing. Leave me the fuck alone. And...
3. Stop acting like Richard Sherman chaired the department of theoretical physics at Stanford. In response to idiots calling Sherman an uneducated thug on Twitter, people are incessantly reminding us that Sherman went to Stanford and therefore is one of the smartest people on the planet. He's not. His SAT was about 1050 and his wonderlic 24. He's of above average intelligence. Watching his NFL Films segment shows he's probably smarter than his set scores indicate. BUT HE DID NOT INVENT STRING THEORY. You do not want Richard Sherman operating on your gall bladder, because you will die. And...
4. Richard Sherman wants to play the bad guy, yet is attempting to rationalize away his behaviors so that people do not consider him the bad guy. No can do, Rich. You gotta own it. This response he wrote today, which people are posting all up and down the Horse's Facebook, is cray.
I spent most of the game on an island: I was targeted only twice during the entire NFC Championship. The first produced a BS holding call against me; the second ended the game. Michael Crabtree stutter-stepped out of his break on first down and sprinted toward the end zone. I was in good position for a pick until he pushed me in the back. My interception became a tip and an interception for Malcolm Smith in the end zone.
This motherfucker complaining about un-called pass interferences and holds is like Ben Roethlisberger complaining about public drunkenness. The Seahawks have still not stopped complaining about the refs since 2006 and they probably never will. Their entire defensive strategy is based around clutching and grabbing. Cry me a river.
I ran over to Crabtree to shake his hand but he ignored me. I patted him, stuck out my hand and said, “Good game, good game.” That’s when he shoved my face, and that’s when I went off.
Sherm, you realize this was on TV, right? If people out there actually buy this and think that, by doing the absolutely completely normal act of running up behind a guy you just beat, smiling ear-to-ear, slapping him on the ass and saying good game he was NOT taunting Crabtree and looking to provoke a response - then I cannot help you. Woe is Sherman. Just own it, Shermdog! I don't know about you, but if somebody did this to me in a fucking co-ed softball league, I would probably beat them to death with my illegal bat. It was douchey. Because Sherman is the pinnacle of douche, no matter what Crabtree said earlier. Well...I guess assuming Crabtree didn't say "hey Sherman, I'm going to fuck your entire family in the ass once I catch this game winner". If he said that, then I may be a bit more understanding.
I threw a choking sign at 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick. Why? Because he decided he was going to try the guy he was avoiding all game, because, I don’t know, he’s probably not paying attention for the game-winning play. C’mon, you’re better than that.
"See, I only gave Kaepernick the choke sign because he had the audacity to think I wasn't the single greatest football player in the NFL and that I should have to defend against passes." This is just dripping in hot wet douche. Maybe if Kaepernick had some Adderall, he'd be able to pay attention during game-winning plays.
Erin Andrews interviewed me after the game and I yelled what was obvious: If you put a subpar player across from a great one, most of the time you’re going to get one result. As far as Crabtree being a top-20 NFL receiver, you’d have a hard time making that argument to me. There are a lot of receivers playing good ball out there, and Josh Gordon needed 14 games to produce almost double what Crabtree can do in a full season. And Gordon had Brandon Weeden, Brian Hoyer and Jason Campbell playing quarterback.
Jesus Christ. So much douche. You just hate Crabtree, that's all. He's probably top 20 - he's damn good. I also don't quite follow the Josh Gordon QB thing - Kaepernick doesn't exactly air it out, as he threw for less yards this year than Weeden did last year. A Kaepernick (and Alex Smith last year) offense just isn't designed to put up huge passing yardage numbers. That being considered, Crabtree's numbers last season were pretty damn good. He's a good WR, Sherm. He's probably a douche, too. Does douche recognize douche? Probably not. Actually, I bet it does but has a hard time identifying itself.
Erin Andrews interviewed me after the game and I yelled what was obvious: If you put a subpar player across from a great one, most of the time you’re going to get one result. As far as Crabtree being a top-20 NFL receiver, you’d have a hard time making that argument to me. There are a lot of receivers playing good ball out there, and Josh Gordon needed 14 games to produce almost double what Crabtree can do in a full season. And Gordon had Brandon Weeden, Brian Hoyer and Jason Campbell playing quarterback.
See? It's so easy!
I don't understand why people consider Sherman saying the above and some nice things about his team and the Broncos to be some "see, you have to see both sides of the story!" revelation. Sherman was never thought to be a team cancer. The things he said above are fucking clearly not true or not justifications, assuming you own a television and saw them. He was just douchin' out.
And that's the crux of it. Some people think douchey athletes are passionate and love the game and just want to win and love it, and some think they are just douches and will "cheer" for "other teams" because "none of it fucking matters you fucking retards".
It's as simple as that. RELAX, America.
